WHY ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP?

……………… By Bishop Shin

“Kevin met Alicia through a mutual friend and they got along very well right from the start. It felt like they’ve known themselves for a long time.

Alicia was a good talker. Kevin was comedian by nature with his funny jokes and stories. They enjoyed each other’s company even after their first meeting. They became friends and Kevin showed interest in Alicia and she also made it known that she also likes Kevin.

One thing Kevin didn’t know was that Alicia was already engaged to another man. Alicia only spent time with him because she enjoyed his company.”

The story is above is the same with many relationships. A lot of people are in relationships with different expectations while their partners also have different expectations. Many people enter into relationships with different motives, reasons or expectations.

Some go into relationships because they are lonely. Some enter into relationships because they want a friend or someone to talk with. Others too because they want to belong or be with someone to pass time. A few also enter into relationships because they are in love. Some enter into a relationship just because they like being around the other person, just like the story above of Alicia and Kevin. In this case there is no love or affection or desire for a relationship or commitment. Some enter into a relationship with a very strange reason like all their friends have boyfriends or girlfriends so they also want one.

Whatever the reason might be, it’s perfectly ok if your partner is also looking for the exact same thing as you. The problems and issues arise when your partner has a different reason or expectation. Imagine someone who is only dating because he or she wants someone to pass time with whiles the other person is dating for love. It will definitely be a disaster in a short period of time. It is therefore important to know why you are in the relationship.

Here is how to avoid such mistakes:

       I.            ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN: Not all relationships must lead to marriage no matter how lovely it feels. It doesn’t matter how much you love the other person, always bear in mind that very few relationships end up in marriage. Therefore dating or being in a relationship doesn’t mean you are getting married soon. You pray and make sure you and your partner both wants the same thing in the relationship.

   II.            DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING: Assumptions in a relationship is the recipe for disaster. Most relationships get ruined this way because they assume once it starts it must end in marriage. Instead of assuming, ask questions. Instead of assuming that the guy showed interest in me because he loves me, ask him if he does. Instead of assuming that he chose you, ask him if you are the only one. Instead of assuming he will marry you, ask him if he wants to marry you. Do not assume or think for your partner.

III.            ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS: After taking out assumptions, one important thing to do is to ask relevant questions. The fact that a guy showed interest in you is no guarantee that he wants a lasting relationship. Like listed above, people have different reasons for entering into a relationship. The guy may be looking for a sex mate or someone to keep around him for company. Know your purpose and role in a relationship. Just because a guy proposed doesn’t mean he is looking for a wife.

Knowing your role or position in a relationship will go a long way to save you from heartbreaks and disappointments. Always bear in mind, not all relationships must lead to marriage. So keep talking and asking these questions to ensure you know your stand in the relationship.

One question someone will ask after reading all this is “what if I ask and he or she lies”?

It’s possible someone will lie and hide their true motives so don’t be straightforward with your question. You can start by talking about your own motives. Share your own reasons or expectations for being in the relationship. People tend to open up and share when they feel comfortable.