10 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU SAY YES

10 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU SAY YES

………………By Bishop Shin


People in love are always excited to be with their new found love. The endless joy and peace it brings. Most people forget that love and relationships are not always rosy. There is a phase in every new relationship I call the ‘the fog of love’.
The ‘fog of love’ of love is a period of peace, comfort, joy and endless love. It’s a time of living in a fantasy and in a world that only exists for you both. The period where all you two do is talk and have all the fun you can have. It’s also the time all the shortcomings of your partner are ignored and overlooked because you feel new and full of love. It’s the time we do some of the craziest things and try new things just for the fun of it.
Unfortunately, this period doesn’t last forever. In fact, it only lasts for a couple of months and that fog disappears. Then we come to reality. A lot of those wonderful relationships start failing at this stage. This is because the endless bliss is gone. The ‘world where everything is perfect’ is gone. Reality has set in and most people find out that they made a mistake or they can no longer get along as they used to in the past.
To survive this period, you need to be able to be able to answer these 10 questions confidently before you even say Yes to a proposal or a relationship. No matter how well you two get along, the fog of love will dissipate over time and reality will set in sooner or later so prepare for it.
1. AM I READY FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP? : Most people jump into relationships without much consideration. Ask yourself this question and be sure you answer it boldly before you enter into the relationship. The fact that some guy or guys are asking you out or want a relationship with you doesn’t mean you should jump into the boat with them. Are you prepared and ready for that journey?

2. WHY DO I WANT TO BE WITH HIM? : A few things attract us to a person. It could be their way of walking, talking, composure, stature or any other thing we find attractive about the person. It could be their profession, money or car. Whatever the reason or point of attraction is, it should never be something that can be lost. It should never be something that is solely mundane. Money, profession, cars, houses, stature and the rest can be lost. If the reason why you want to be with someone is because of these things, then you are not ready for the relationship. Take your time and search again.

3. WHY DOES HE WANT TO BE WITH ME? : As loving as it might seem from all the sweet talks a guy will give you, it is your duty to get to know why he wants to be with you. In my other article, I talked about some of the various reasons people have for entering into a relationship. Not everyone enters a relationship for the purpose of getting married. Find out why they chose you out of the others and ensure its not because of something that can be lost. Guys can easily propose to a lady with curves and big hips and buttocks. If that is why he wants you, then you know where you are headed.

4. CAN I TRUST HIM? : Love without trust is like a car without gas on a hill. It will appear to be on course but it will definitely stop when it gets to a level ground. Is the guy someone you know personally? What do people say about him? Is he trustworthy from his actions and ways of doing things? Be sure of this one first before you say Yes to any proposal.

5. WHAT ARE HIS VISION(S) IN LIFE? : Most people jump into relationships without evening knowing where the man is going. You can’t join a bus when you don’t know where it is going. It is imperative that you know what drives the man you want to be with forever. Knowing his visions and dreams will help you have a better understanding of what you are getting yourself into in the relationship. You may end up with more than you can handle and it won’t help any of you in the relationship.

6. DOES HIS VISION(S) AGREE WITH MINE? : Our visions and goals in life in one way or the other affects who we are and what we stand for in life. That being said, you can’t just get involved with just anyone. You need to know what drives them. What motivates them in life. You need to know where they are going. Just because there is a free bus outside doesn’t mean you should jump in. Know where you are going and look for someone going to the same place with you.

7. CAN I CARRY HIS VISION(S)? : Being with an established guy is the dream of many ladies. It makes life easier for them. Then again, such men carry big visions and plans. As a lady and a help meet, can you carry his visions? Can you endure when it’s time to endure? Can you be his muse and inspiration? Don’t just be happy that you finally have your ideal man. Can you handle him? Most ladies like public figures. Can you handle the pressure, keep your focus and build your man in the process. If you can’t, then you will be of no use to the man. Think about it.

8. DO WE SHARE ANY THING IN COMMON? : There is nothing more frustrating than being stranded in an unknown place with no one to help you. Couple that with people who can’t understand your language. It is really frustrating. The same way, it is very frustrating to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t speak your language. You are talking about a business plan and he is talking about football. You are talking about church and he is talking about things that happened at the bar. If two people don’t have a common ground where they can communicate effectively and bond, then there’s no future for that relationship.

9. WHAT IS OUR DIFFERENCES? : Nevertheless, a relationship without variety will soon turn boring. Boring is bad for any relationship. Our differences enhances the relationship. It ensures that there is always something new to try out for the other person. He plays golf. It will be a great time for both of us to go golfing one weekend. He likes video games. You can join him to play. It’s not just going to be fun, it will also bring in a new kind of bond between you two. Our differences makes us unique and the relationship fun filled unless the differences are bad ones. Then you should steer clear off him.

10. CAN I BE WITH HIM FOREVER? : This is the last and most important question to ask yourself. After answering all the questions above, can you confidently say you can be together forever? We don’t marry to divorce later on. Forever is a long time to be sorry.


If you are able to answer all ten questions effectively and confidently, then you are good to go. If not, then take your time. Get all the answers you need before you say Yes to any relationship or marriage.

WHY ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP?

……………… By Bishop Shin

“Kevin met Alicia through a mutual friend and they got along very well right from the start. It felt like they’ve known themselves for a long time.

Alicia was a good talker. Kevin was comedian by nature with his funny jokes and stories. They enjoyed each other’s company even after their first meeting. They became friends and Kevin showed interest in Alicia and she also made it known that she also likes Kevin.

One thing Kevin didn’t know was that Alicia was already engaged to another man. Alicia only spent time with him because she enjoyed his company.”

The story is above is the same with many relationships. A lot of people are in relationships with different expectations while their partners also have different expectations. Many people enter into relationships with different motives, reasons or expectations.

Some go into relationships because they are lonely. Some enter into relationships because they want a friend or someone to talk with. Others too because they want to belong or be with someone to pass time. A few also enter into relationships because they are in love. Some enter into a relationship just because they like being around the other person, just like the story above of Alicia and Kevin. In this case there is no love or affection or desire for a relationship or commitment. Some enter into a relationship with a very strange reason like all their friends have boyfriends or girlfriends so they also want one.

Whatever the reason might be, it’s perfectly ok if your partner is also looking for the exact same thing as you. The problems and issues arise when your partner has a different reason or expectation. Imagine someone who is only dating because he or she wants someone to pass time with whiles the other person is dating for love. It will definitely be a disaster in a short period of time. It is therefore important to know why you are in the relationship.

Here is how to avoid such mistakes:

       I.            ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN: Not all relationships must lead to marriage no matter how lovely it feels. It doesn’t matter how much you love the other person, always bear in mind that very few relationships end up in marriage. Therefore dating or being in a relationship doesn’t mean you are getting married soon. You pray and make sure you and your partner both wants the same thing in the relationship.

   II.            DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING: Assumptions in a relationship is the recipe for disaster. Most relationships get ruined this way because they assume once it starts it must end in marriage. Instead of assuming, ask questions. Instead of assuming that the guy showed interest in me because he loves me, ask him if he does. Instead of assuming that he chose you, ask him if you are the only one. Instead of assuming he will marry you, ask him if he wants to marry you. Do not assume or think for your partner.

III.            ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS: After taking out assumptions, one important thing to do is to ask relevant questions. The fact that a guy showed interest in you is no guarantee that he wants a lasting relationship. Like listed above, people have different reasons for entering into a relationship. The guy may be looking for a sex mate or someone to keep around him for company. Know your purpose and role in a relationship. Just because a guy proposed doesn’t mean he is looking for a wife.

Knowing your role or position in a relationship will go a long way to save you from heartbreaks and disappointments. Always bear in mind, not all relationships must lead to marriage. So keep talking and asking these questions to ensure you know your stand in the relationship.

One question someone will ask after reading all this is “what if I ask and he or she lies”?

It’s possible someone will lie and hide their true motives so don’t be straightforward with your question. You can start by talking about your own motives. Share your own reasons or expectations for being in the relationship. People tend to open up and share when they feel comfortable.

EPITOME OF LOVE – 1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-8

                           ……………….. By Bishop Shin

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up.

Does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

Does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth;

Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails……………………………  ( I Corinthians 13:4-8a)

          When people fall in love at first, it all seems rosy and enjoying. The joy, peace and enthusiasm one feels is unexplainable. Our whole world takes a new turn and everything seems so bright and wonderful. We hope and pray that this new feelings never ends or stops.

          Unfortunately, it doesn’t always stay that way. Things sometimes takes a downward dive and we seem to wonder what went wrong. Was it the same person we fell in love with it? How did we get to this stage where we only tolerated each other?

          This is a common scenario is most relationships now. It all starts well and looks so wonderful but over a period of time we both start drifting apart until we have no other choice than to separate so we can have our peace.

          This problem in our generation can be avoided. We can have the most enjoying relationships if we really understood the word ‘love’. In the scripture text that was used in the opening, the author carefully summarized what it means to be in love. A lot of people enter into relationships without a clue as to what love entails or requires. The most powerful force on earth is love. It can break every obstacles and barriers and liberate the grieving or lonely soul.

          Many people don’t take the time to understand it, to learn about it, to accept it and to live it. A lot of people say love is not enough in a relationship. That’s wrong. Love is more than enough to sustain any and every relationship if it is understood and practiced.

          Love is not passive. Love is active. It is an action. Instead of talking, it goes out to demonstrate or get it done. Love is not in romantic words and sweet talks. Love is not in gifts and material things. Love is not in celebrations and feelings. Love has very little to do with feelings.

          Love is the act of prioritizing another person’s happiness, well-being, peace and wholeness as you would do for yourself. Love is being able to feel the pain and joy of the other person as if it was yourself. If you can’t do this, then you are not ready for a loving relationship.

          Let’s look at the summary of love as described in our opening lines.

         I.            LOVE IS LONGSUFFERING: Long suffering is the ability to endure. Most at times certain things your partner does can put you off. Love is able to endure all the shortcomings of your partner. As long as humans are not perfect and mistakes are bound to happen from any of us, the ability to endure and tolerate each other without giving up is a true sign that love is at work. Love suffers long. It doesn’t give up easily neither does it get tired of helping. Can you endure the shortcomings of your partner?

     II.            LOVE IS KIND: The act of always offering a helping hand to other is a sign of kindness. Love always looks out for the welfare of others and works to make it possible for others to be happy or comfortable. Love is all about sharing. It’s about being there for each other. It’s about being kind to your partner. Kindness is being tender and considerate with a helpful nature. Be willing and ready to offer a helping hand to your partner when they need it. Don’t act unconcerned.

 III.            LOVE DOES NOT ENVY: Envy, a feeling of grudging admiration or spite and resentment at the success of another. There are some people who envy their own partners. Love does not envy. Love is proud. Its happy and revels in the success of the other person. Love encourages and wish the very best for the other and never wishes to see them downtrodden. Love is happy at the success of their partner. Envy shows the absence of love. Envy brings strife and hatred and these oppose the spirit of love. Do you seek the success of your partner? Do you envy your partner because they are doing better than you?

  IV.            LOVE IS NOT PUFFED UP: Being puffed denotes pride. Speaking in a scornful manner. Love doesn’t parade itself as the ‘boss’ whiles looking down on everyone else or making everyone else feel inadequate. Such behavior is not love. Most men believe this manner of behaving solidifies their authority as the man of the house. Some resort to harsh words and derogatory remarks to prove they are the head. This act on the contrary shows the lack of love and respect one has for their partner. Be proud of your partner not to them. Boast about your partner, not to them. As a loving partner, don’t do or talk in a manner that will make your partner feel less inadequate before you. Be considerate. Be kind to them. Do you make your partner feel this way around you?

     V.            LOVE DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN: The greatness virtue is the spirit of selflessness. It’s the biggest anyone can get from another person and it’s a demonstration of love at work. Love is selfless. It doesn’t seek its own benefits only. It is considerate of the feelings of others too. Love shares even the smallest thing just to make the other person comfortable and happy. A selfless partner makes the needs of their partner important. The needs of each of us differs. Being able to make time for your partner even though you are busy or tired is love. Sometimes you feel like being alone but your partner seems happy and wants to talk or play or have some fun. You put away your sad mood and joins them to have fun. That is love. Love is when you do things you had no desire of doing just to see the other person happy. Love is selfless. Are you selfless? Are you always demanding that things be done your way?

  VI.            LOVES THINKS NO EVIL: I have seen some people saying bad things about their ex. Some go as far as pronouncing curses on them, harming them and some even kill. Love does not think of such evil things. Domestic abuse, verbal abuse and all sorts of bad treatments in some relationships and still say they love the person. Any act that causes pain or that is evil can never be love for love is kind and considerate. Love is being able to feel like the other person is feeling as if it was your own self. Even during a break up, you will never wish evil for the other person because you love them. Do you cause your partner pains willingly?

VII.            LOVE IS NOT PROVOKED: Anger is a common bane among humans in the society. It’s easy to get people angry and such attitude must never enter a relationship. Be conscious of the fact that your partner is not you. Accept the fact that both of you were raised differently and such will act and do things differently from the way you do them or want them done. Don’t get angry or irritated if your partner doesn’t do things the way you want or expect them. In a gentle and loving manner, teach them the way to do it. Anger is bad for any relationship and if allowed to go on for long will cause you both to drift apart instead of getting closer. If you are quick-tempered, work on it. Learn to be gentle. It won’t be easy but it’s possible. Do it for your partner. Do it for yourself. Are you quick-tempered? Does your partner irritates you at the least things?

VIII.            LOVE NEVER FAILS: Love never fails. It’s unending. People say there is a thin line between love and hate. Love and hate are the north and south poles. They will never meet, neither will they cross to each other. You can’t love someone today and hate them tomorrow. It’s not possible. Even if you are angry or upset with them over something, the love will still be there unless you never loved them in the first place. Love can stand every barrier and obstacles that will rise up. Love is more than enough to overcome everything. It will always find a way. It will always go the extra mile to get things done. Are you in love? Is your love failing?

One will note that I didn’t use the phrase ‘true love’. This is because there is no true love or fake love. There’s only love. It’s either you are in love or you just playing around.

The point listed above are for people who wants to understand love and live in love. I believe love should be mutual. This makes it easier to practice these points given since both partners will be learning from it and be making efforts to make their relationship as loving as possible.

LEARN TO COMPROMISE

…………………By Bishop Shin

            “John and Mary started out nicely and it was full of love and excitement. It felt like a match made in heaven. John was warm and kind. Mary was the luckiest lady alive. A few months into the relationship, it all started turning sour. John was easily irritated by almost everything Mary did. He found her clumsy, annoying and uncomfortable to be around.

What could have happened? Was John no longer in love with Mary?”

            Relationship, without a doubt is a lot of hard work. It involves two people from an entirely different background and with different training and upbringing. It can be very tedious to say the least. This is why relationship and dating is not for ‘small boys and girls’. It takes two matured minds who understand the requirements of a relationship.

            Like the story of John and Mary, a lot of relationships start and end this way. Most are not able to recover from it. They will then have to part ways. This is because after the fresh fog of love has been lifted after a few months, then who we really are takes over. How we were brought up and trained manifest and most people expect their partners to act in a certain way that suits their upbringing. This is a big mistake people make in their relationships.

            Never in any way expect your partner to act, talk, and walk or even do things in a way you like or prefer. For all you know, your partner also have their preferences and you may not be able to do theirs. So why force or expect them to act the way you want?

Relationships are beautiful when two different people learn to live together and enjoy the varieties they each have to offer. Learning to compromise is a very important virtue needed for the survival of any relationship. You may not like the way your partner walks, learn to compromise and accept it. Physical differences that comes from our ways of doing things should not separate two people.

Learn to compromise! Embrace these varieties your partner has to offer. Don’t get offended by them. In fact, if it’s something that you really don’t like, help them to change it gradually. Don’t force it. Don’t push it. Let your love for them cover their shortcomings and then help them to make the necessary changes so that they become the way you want them to be.

If you find their sense of fashion annoying, don’t flare up when you see them. Help them to change it. If you find her body unattractive, help her shape it up. Take her jogging. Take her through the needed exercises for her to get the attractive body you want instead of blaming her and going after other ladies.

Even twins act differently so it’s an error to expect your partner to think and act as you do which is impossible. If you want to build a strong relationship, then build this quality. Be a builder. Be an encourager. Be a source of comfort. Be accommodating. Be loving and caring. To do all that, you should learn to compromise because not everything in a relationship will go or be as you want. So you make do with what you have and enjoy each other’s company and love as you work on making the necessary changes to turn your partner into the ideal lady or guy as you always wanted.

©Bishop Shin

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